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How to get longevity in your relationship
by August 18, 2012 on•
Ain't love grand? It fills you up with so much lightness and joy doesn't it?
I just had a weekend at my parent’s farm. Our entire family were there to celebrate Mum and Dad's 50th wedding anniversary. Wow, what a milestone. 50 years ago they stood together at the altar of a catholic church and made a vow that they would stay together through the good times and the hard times. They made a pact that they would hang in there and support each other through those difficult moments. Here they are, 50 years later and 76 years old, holding hands again at the altar of a Catholic church making another vow that they would be there together for the rest of their remaining lives. There we were, their 5 children and partners, 9 grandchildren and the priest, all congregating up the front of the church around them as they renewed their 50 year old wedding vows. Oh I got to tell you, the tears did flow! The church applauded and cheered. It was a moving experience.
So what do you attribute such longevity in a relationship to? According to statistics their marriage is not the norm. Now only 2 out of every 5 marriages will last the distance. So how did they manage to get to 76 and still be married after 50 years? I have to tell you upfront, this was not a fairy tale marriage. Yes, it was good, but there were difficult times also. There was lots of love, laughter and fun times, but there were moments of angst, anger, fear, and disconnect. This is the nature of relationships, they ebb and flow. They shift, they surge, they retreat. There is a life to them that moves. It’s like a tree in the wind. We have to be able to bend and sway under the pressure of that gale. If there is rigidity then the tree will snap beyond repair.
I remember someone once saying to me, "I don’t believe you should have to compromise to be in a relationship. To me that’s like losing part of yourself". Interestingly their marriage didn’t last long.
In a successful relationship you are often compromising or surrendering your preferences to some degree. It's a matter of how much you do that? Well it is fine line. Its a delicate balance that you will have to find between living your truth, that is, doing what’s right for you, and yet also surrendering some of your preferences for that other person in your life for the success of the relationship. It’s like walking a tight rope, too much one way and you fall off, too much the other way, and you fall off. So its a mater of constantly walking that fine line of living your Truth, living your Path, and yet compromising enough to allow room for your partner in your life.
For balance in a relationship there is going to be the polarity of masculine and feminine. We know now, (especially since John Gray put out the book 'Men are from Mars Women are from Venus'), that both the feminine and the masculine have very different tastes, different ways of doing things and different ways of responding to situations. So it’s not possible for you both the see eye to eye and agree on everything all the time. This is where understanding, communication, acceptance and sometimes compromise come in.
We have to ask ourselves how much are we willing to surrender our preferences and yet still remain on our own Path of Evolution? Are we willing to bend and sway within the relationship? Or are we rigid and unyielding? The relationship will be supported and nurtured if each person in it is evolving within their own life and inspiring their partner to do the same. Sharing experiences is an important way to bring you both together. Sitting in Stillness each day together is a powerful unifying tool, because you will align your frequencies and vibrate at a higher level simultaneously. As for Mum and Dad, well they will continue to be kind, be gentle and loving with each other, bending and flexing, thriving with the challenges of the masculine and feminine bonding in love.